Hello There!…. yes, i’m back.

After a super long hiatus, i’ve decided that this blog is my bestest channel of salvation from the inner turmoils in my head.

Lots of things have happened since i last logged in.

I’m gonna start working as an Infant Care Teacher soon.

Me & Him are now cold towards each other. Coz’ basically i can’t & don’t want to be bothered with him & his confusing ways. I am not gonna be the girl that is strung along clueless.

I deserve better.

On a happy note, the job i’m gonna be starting in 2 weeks time would be a permanent position with prospects of training & getting myself certified. I am apprehensieve of it, but at the same time, i’m also excited about it.

Talk about mixed signals…sheesh.

The girls and me are going on a short weekend getaway to KL next week! Like FINALLY, i am actually goin somewhere officially further than just JB or Malacca!..

Yeah, I know, so terok rite…heheh

But at least, better late than never. Plus, it also kinda makes me realise, maybe i’m still unmarried for a reason…maybe this is just God’s way of telling me, “Enjoy urself now kiddo…coz when you are tied down you won’t have a chance to do so..”… :/

So, does this mean i have started to blog again?…. yeah, i guess so.

I am feeling good now.

I think I have FINALLY, let go.

Ok ,maybe I should elaborate what I’m letting go. I have managed to let go of the idea and notion of wishing things would happen. Of maybe he is intrested in me but is confused.

Of telling myself, I won’t let myself be strung along.

Of not being so jealous or hard on myself if or when I see or hear him talk or with another girl.

Of finally, not caring for him THAT way.  And I have to say, it’s his loss. Definitely HIS loss.

(coz’ I would be one heck of a wonderfully great & not to mention, loving girl .. yes, masok bakul angkat sendiri.. abih no one wants to carry my bakul whaattttt! heee)

I guess the books I’ve read (and still reading), the support from my dear ones and not to mention words of encouragements & advices all helped. No, lemme rephrase, not I GUESS, I BELIEVE.

Like what I’ve told Loos, I’m a slow healer. I heal very very slowly when I’m hurt. But I WILL heal.

And I believe I have healed somewhat. Its healing somewhat, I am still wearing a bandage on my broken heart. But the wound is healing perfectly well.

I have started chatting with him again. Though its not everyday, I don’t care & I don’t get agitated when I don’t. Quite zen like I’ve becomed.

I believe what’s meant to be, will be. What Won’t, just WON’T.

And something Nuts said on saturday makes me feel a whole lot better about my decision.

She said,he sounds like a case of a really confused guy. He dunno what he wants, and he doesn’t see what he already has. Then one day when he finaly realises what is missing, what he lost, it might just be too late.

She also said, its quite a pity, coz’ not only her, but so many others seems to see that chemistry. But probably the best thing I have done was to let go. Coz’ waiting for him to make up his mind or be un-confused, or be ready enough to be even remotely commited, would just make me unhappy. And I deserve Happyness.

Now tell me, how can I not luff my 2 dearest so much eh?.. They can be sooooo lame & funny and yet so wise..

So yes folks, loyal readers of mine (all 5 of you… well ok it mite be lesser but whose counting ), I am healing!

And to commemorate my recovery, I bought for me self a silver charm bracelet thingey with the letter ‘A’ from Mintmark. It matches the one I gave my lil’ sis.. she bugged me to buy one of the same pattern so we both can have something same same..

And that damn piece of jewellery set me back $50 plus. Which also, incidently, my last 50bucks!.. hrmph.

Yes, I am penniless right now till my next pay, but I am happy enough.

I wanna Date! Coz’ dating is fun!.. I’m not saying I wanna “be on a potential husband manhunt” kinda date.. but more of a “I have a new person to get to know of & be friends with” Date.

So here is a formal declaration, If any of you know of any single, wonderfully witty & intelligent (and better still rich ) guys who wants to make more new friends, weeeeellllll, show em’ the way to me! LOL!

*now why do I suddenly regret saying that declaration… hrmmm.. :S..

**Clause: DO NOT PIMP ME OFF TO ANY TOM,DICK OR MAMAT YOU KNOW AH!

Don’t give up girl. Don’t crumble again now. DON’t YOU DARE.

REMEMBER: He’s Just Not into YOU!… REMEMBER!

why isit so goddamn hard… I need a magic wand. To magically swish everything away..

Bingit siakkk… dah tentu its my freaking lunch time! Aku punya pasal la nak dngar lagu pakai headphone ke, ape ke!

Yang dia habis lunch siang, balik office bikin kerja, dia punya pasal la!

But don’t treat me like I am not entitled to an hr of solace doin’ whatever the hell I want, coz’ like i’ve said, ITS MY FRIGGING LUNCH TIME!!

Urgh!!!!!

Dah lah tu, tentunya aku tak dengar kalau kau panggil orang pakai suara macam tikus! And you have the cheek to blame it on my listening to songs with a headphone! Sape yang suroh kau racist sangat and anal to listening to malay songs!?

Abih tak tau panggil baikx2, tepok bahu ke ape to call me, dia pei campak a small bean bag to my neck!

Nasib baik my neck! Kalau kepala aku yang kena memang nak kena hampot!! Bos tak bos, kepala jangan nak main main!! KNNCCB seh!!

Bingit! Bingit! Bingit!!!!!

Ni yang buat spoil aku punya mood big time seh!.. Once ke-minahan ku dah terkeluar, its best that you run!

Why?, Coz Fatimah Rockers punya kepala angin dah naik dah ni!!!!!

BINGIT SIAKKKKKK!!!!

I have a new song to love! … Or maybe even be psycho about, if you put it in a negative way u freaks..

Just like all malay or indo songs, this one was chanced upon..yet again.

Its not as sad & tragic as the previous one I’ve posted about. But its just as sappy & mushy.

I predict this song is gonna be on repeat mode on my little MP3 player verrrry soon…. (once I get my hands on the song.. muahaha!)

Enjoy the Sappy Mushyness!

*Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya…. for all the good & bad.

Terima Kasih Cinta

Tersadar didalam sepiku
Setelah jauh melangkah
Cahaya kasihmu menuntunku
Kembali dalam dekap tanganmu

Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya
Kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu
Tak akan terulang lagi
Semuaaa kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu

Tanpamu tiada berarti
Tak mampu lagi berdiri
Cahaya kasihmu menuntunku
Kembali dalam dekapan tanganmu

Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya
Kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu
Tak akan terulang lagi
Semuaaa kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu

ouuwwww…
ouuwwww…

Terima kasih cinta untuk segalanya
Kau berikan lagi kesempatan itu
Tak akan terulang lagi
Semuaaa kesalahanku oouuwww
Kesalahanku yang pernah menyakitimu

I just seriously think this,is weiiirrrrrrdddd.. Like WTH?!

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/afp/20081114/ttc-lifestyle-britain-family-divorce-int-0de2eff.html

Live in the real world people!! REAL WORLD!… Dumb asses..

I went thru a day without contact.

How did I do it? Blocked him. (yes Loos, I finally plucked enough resolution to block him…..for a few hours at least before I decided to unblock & log out) :/

But its progress rite!.. Yay Me!…. rite?

Now lets hope I wont turn whimpy again and start turning into jello… Resolution ke mana, my sanity ke mana… Ughh..

Besides, its not like me missing in action is gonna make much impact in his life anyways. He’s so dense, he won’t even REALISE lorrrr..

See! I just strengthened my resolution! Yay Me!

*Yay delusional Me.. sheesh..

What do you do when your stomach is hungry and is sorta crying for food, but your mouth somehow refuses to let any in?

In other words, you’re hungry, but, you have no appetite.

So who do you placate, the mouth or the stomach? Which one is easier to follow?

Yea, that’s what I am feeling like nowdays. So what do I do? I just follow what the mouth wants. Don’t wanna eat? Don’t wanna open? Fine.

But when the tummy protests out loud & furious (think potential gastric pains & loud rumblings), then I have to force feed the mouth to open up & let some fuel in.

I just have not much of an appetite nowadays. I can look at food, and then just think, “oh well, whatever..”

And walk away.. :S

Weiiiiiiirrddddd….

Even now, its lunch time, and here I am, sitting in the office typing away on this entry with just a hot cup of Milo as sustenance. The only solids I had was a fistful of murukkus & a tiny bar of chocolate.

Am I hungry? No.

Can I tahan? I guess so.

Like I’ve said, I don’t have much of an appetite nowadays.

I also don’t have much of the ‘ra-ra’ mood of wanting to go out & do anything.

Its like the only thing I wanna do is just to go off somewhere and be by myself, staring away at something far off or just sit by some lake or river or beach.

I just wanna chill SOMEWHERE.

ANYWHERE.

 Just Me, Myself & My Thoughts. (and not forgetting my little mp3 player of course. whats life without music eh?)

And maybe with a good book to read when I get bored.

Even if I don’t end up reading the book, the smell of the book is also therepheutic enough.

I’m not weird, I am just an avid bookworm.

Maybe I should plan to take a few days of leave. Call it a sabbatical if you must…

My head hurts.

Think the tensed shoulders is working its way up to the head.

I need to relax…. and a massage.

Maybe the best way is to cut off all contact with Him.

Maybe the drastic way, is the only way..

But I just don’t have the will power to do so.

*Help me Allah.